I was riding on the train the other day, on my way back from a meeting with a client. I was happy to be going home and enjoying the beautiful scenery had to offer. I prefer to stand in the train giving other people an opportunity to rest from their hard day.
A young lady got onto the train and sat down on the chair right in front of me. She was chatting to a young gentlemen. The conversation was of a rather sexual nature, in which it was pretty obvious that were not dating or married and had not known each other for a long time. He was much less courteous towards her and making a lot of sexual comments. However, many of her replies were quite loving and coy. She told him she would make him dinner before he went to the airport. She was clearly trying to establish herself as a care giver. His comments to her, however, remained of a sexual nature, not hinting at the slightest bit of emotional connection from his end.
This is a story that so many women go through. A traumatised past, low self-worth, lack of emotionally connected parents all have an impact on you in your adult life. Your need for external attention and validation is so high, since your feelings of worth are so low that you allow other people to treat you less than you deserve. It becomes a vicious cycle. From one man to the next, the same thing continues to happen. You always yearn for more emotion, for more love but you never seem to ever receive anything else. You give up who you are in order to make someone else happy just so that they won't leave you, and for that fleeting moment of pleasure, ou are loved and needed.
Here are some points to consider:
Learn to love yourself. As a human being, we deserve to give the love we so desire to ourselves. The kind of love you would give to your partner/mother/sister is the kind of love that you totally deserve to give yourself. When you nurture yourself, you are less likely to be dependent on the attention of others.
Treat yourself with respect. In order to respect yourself, you have to accept yourself as you are and work on becoming the person you always dreamed of becoming. Take the necessary steps to find happiness with who are you and in turn the rest of the world will automatically treat you in the same manner.
Know your worth. This may be a tough one. Don’t settle for less because you are lonely or desperate and need a companion or even if you feel like time is running out. Your heart is a preciou gift and so is your body. Be selective in who you allow into your life. Not everyone deserves you or your body.
Forgive yourself for the past mistakes. Forgiving yourself is beneficial to your health. You lived the best way you could with the resources and knowledge that you had at that time. Now is the time to be clear on your morals and values going forward. Write down a list of behaviors that you want to see in yourself and others as well as the behaviors that you don’t want to emulate. The past is the past and can’t be changed, but you don’t have to keep on repeating it.
Build your confidence. Write a list of things you have accomplished along with what it takes to accomplish those tasks. You will find that you already have the confidence you have longed for. It’s time to nurture that confidence and it build it to greater level. Use visualization techniques to improve confidence on a daily basis. It will eventually become second nature.
Focus on your life. Give your life the focus it needs. Work on yourself on a daily basis to improve your skills whether it be from reading books to learning how to sew. Take steps towards a positive future by doing the things that you love that can add value to you future.
Maintain a positive mindset. Nothing beats a positive outlook on life. Yes, we can’t be positive all the time, but having a positive outlook in which you view life as an opportunity in which you learn and grow from rising to each challenge is essential. As the saying goes, “there no failures in life unless you quit”. Using techniques such meditation, mindful living and reinforcing a positive mindset, you can achieve great success in work, relationships and even in your personal life.
Find a mentor. Getting help from someone is sometimes always the best solution. In order to be the best, you have to spend time with people who are the best in what you want to do.
Women out there all around the globe, know your worth, not only for yourself but to be able to impart this vital knowledge onto the next generation of women. We are strong, beautiful and wonderful beings who deserve the best that life can offer. Go out there and get what you deserve out of life.