While most people thought that 2020 was officially cancelled, that it was okay to stay at home and eat the entire food stockpile of the next 3 months in 1 week, I pressed forward onto a new life path. Not a garden filled with fashion labels, entitlement and ego, but a humble tough mudder path heading towards the top of Mount Tibidabo, covered with broken glass and random bottomless pits plunging into Dante's Inferno.
As I reflect on the past few years, all the ups and downs, the "no's" and the "never will be", to the "yes", to the "lets make it happen" and finally to the "I don't care about this anymore, let's just be happy", I have come to the realisation that it doesn't matter whether you are married or single, young or old, African or Asian, the only thing that matters is happiness. No, I'm not talking about the blithering "happy idiot" type that laughs at your pathetic jokes all day long even when its not funny, has no backbone and takes everyone in with a pinch of sarcasm (Chandler Bing at your service). I am talking about when you connect with the deeper part of yourself, to understand what you really need and want from life. When you ask yourself: "Am I happy doing what I am about to do, is this fulfilling my passion, am I living my life with purpose to contribute to society and are those around me supportive of what I am doing".
These are the only questions that matter and when you decide to follow it, to follow the passion of your soul, everything will fall into place. I decided to stop living with fear, the fear of being alone for the rest of my life, never finding someone to love me, in fear of losing my job, fear of rejection, fear of speaking up, fear of not being liked. I realised that I'm not living, I'm fearing. I stopped looking to the outside world for validation and for external appreciation and love. I've decided to face all those fears head on, and eliminate each and every one of them head on. I decided to be true to myself and to give myself that love and appreciation and to stop pretending to be something for people who won't even be there for me when I'm in a tight spot. I decided to be unapologetic for who I am and to present myself and my world and my goals to the world with confidence.
I am embracing my beautiful self and working on decreasing my hyper-vigilance and increasing my assertiveness through proper responses rather than aggressive reactions. To live by being grateful for what I have and all that I have achieved. To pay it forward to those that need a helping hand. When you are grateful for what you have, what you have increases tenfold.
Embrace the now, embrace your passion, embrace the love that fills your heart for you. For if you don't stand for this, you will fall for anything in life. Stop chasing the external, and start following your internal voice that knows the way. Do not ask for permission to have the things you want. Go out there and get it.